在西海岸……

的今天，TT同学离开了其他同学们。

于是像我这种同学从那以后可以年年明目张胆地在这天尤其怀念她。

 

最近听说西藏当地许多娃白天被迫骂那披着袈裟的狼，晚上忏悔；

很久前却也听说我小的时候许多娃白天听老邓的，晚上听小邓的。

 

结果若干年后，说中文的人里保住了一小撮，也许其实是很大一撮，像我这样的粉丝，并且终于可以明目张胆了；

只是不知道另一位据说今天得到类似待遇的同学若干年后能不能如此。

要是不能，那时候就不许再哼哼唧唧。

不过其实有一点总是不能相比，即哪怕有人号称TT转世，我也仍然只追随今年55岁的那名同学。

 

永远的邓丽君！

Recently I got to read the following exotic novel, titled "Double-Sided Tape" (DST: daylight saving time).

 

 

It is definitely something that can make one, at least make me, feel extremely blue and cross. If time allows, I strongly recommend everyone spend the time with the entire book.

 

Apparently, there are a few conflicts that are messing up the lives. Among all the wrongnesses that were leading to an ultimate tragedy in the context that everyone was hoping for a happy life, I am not unforced to conclude that the key wrongness is the reversed sexuality, either intrinsic or extrinsic, on this family's young couple.

 

When we are expressing our feelings, attempting to solve a problem, behaving in front of the elderly or authorities, making arrangements and bearing compromises, we need to pay close attention to our gender-signature. To be more specific, if I were asked to pick one phrase for the masculine spirit in each of these five cases, I would say "boldly free", "reductionistic", "internally even", "optimally autonomic" and "beneficiary-specified". Losing the gender-signature is a horrible thing that almost everyone keeps on doing in one's life. Besides sincerely appreciating the tolerance that the ones who matter give to us, we shall probably try to do better also on our own.

 

However, knowing how the above-listed adjectives transform into real actions is not an easy job in some situations, because there is the ultimate intrinsic randomness in our judgement-making procedures. After my reading, I keep thinking that the hero of the story is so much in lack of masculinity that he deserves the death. Imagining that I was a person who is attracted by our heroine and cannot stand the mistreatment that she is receiving, I would have to slaughter the husband with my own hands. Imagine that the execution involves a knife-fight, and I managed to do my job neatly.

 

Now, before returning to our heroine, had she not died, and telling her what I have done for her with the hope that my admiration could soothe her sorrow and shine light upon her life, the question is, to appear masculine in both her and my eyes in both the short and long runs, shall I use my knife to cut a big and deep cut in my own body, pretending that it is left by my rival who managed to injure me?

 

I failed to find the answer. It is all the matter of how many steps one would go into the "thought-exploration" process. That is what I termed as "ultimate intrinsic randomness". It is not because we are lazy and we like to make random choices, but because we want our souls straight, even at the cost of severely twisted dilemmas. Finally, I may not cut myself, simply because I am afraid of pain; I may, simply because I am fond of the pain to match hers. At this may or may not, I spiritually strangely have become a neutral creature, completely having lost my gender-signature.

 

OK, stop...

 

To balance the dull mood a little bit and to say my sorry for selfishly writing this up, I encourage you to go to my space home and listen to TT's song, "couples in love".

今天值得发文记着。生平第一次做了并且吃到了传说中的腊八粥... 红枣+莲子+红豆+花生+枸杞+核桃+椰丝+某豆!  味道挺subtle且柔和，除了过节加上吃了暖和，未来两天的早餐也有了:)

只是……我怎么好像这就已经饿了呢？

邻家小妹——邓丽君

首播： CCTV-4 01月05日 20:00

 

网友录制……26分钟。

 

 

===================================

又多了一个

香港翡翠台(TVB)   不死传奇之邓丽君特辑 (1月5日)

 

希望有人能够喜欢 :)

不知道怎么搞的，明明在看Raman scattering的综述，无意中就点开了这么一个文章……

 

 

will或许集中反映的是人的"憋ness"，也就是自己“渴望/成就”值最大的一方面。而lowering bieness，是人得以获取utility的根本。这一点，除了文中的例子之外，从城市人口喜欢travelling，从American dream对牲口们的inspiration，乃至从平时必须穿衣服的人们在某种场合下得以happy地脱掉，都能看出。

 

可惜法律意义下的will其实暗含了reward的成分，于是给will打上了牢牢的personal的烙印。人可以写will给自己不能照顾的宠物，给接受从天而降的惊喜的幸运儿，给自己劳动的产品，但比方说我想看到高温超导被弄清楚的一天，就不可能厚着脸皮说要如何来reward最终临门一脚做成这件事的大侠，毕竟人家已经牛成了那样，no big deal！唯一的办法就是让自己也牛起来，然后用自己的honor去reward别人，就好比Nobel Prize。得到Nobel Prize的人不见得会感激Nobel本人或者觉得自己和他之间有什么connection，而是觉得大家都和世界的福利连接了起来。这就不是will这样一个社会里的规则所能做到的了，而是缘自人与人之间一种应该存在的差距。

妈妈的美国之行，第一站是旧金山。

 

飞机不是我接的。我们相见的地点，是一个我从没有去过的粤菜馆，妈妈他们一行一下飞机就被隆重推荐到那里。因为我没想到能顺利到达那个仅会在电话中被告知的神秘地点从而不miss午饭，所以事先吃饱了才出发的。值得一提的是，到达后我竟然坚持理想，仍然吃了好几样东西，因为做得确实很不错，导致restaurant门口硕大的停车场完全满了。这是我在中国以外见过的最有门道的早茶所在。详情如下……

 

拿到酒店房间后，队伍里有人友情提议我开车一直跟着，再次兴致勃勃地游览这个我去过无数次而即使在第一次也略感无聊的San Francisco，包括和广州神似的Chinatown。我深知这样一来在天黑以前绝没有希望带我妈哪怕看一眼我的学校，而明天他们就去东部了。今晚如果大家一起来，唯一可以做的就是我带着N个莫名其妙的人参观我的“闺房”……好了，不要再装了，有人对我的学校其实没啥兴趣，可我妈不在其列，所以我们分道扬镳，只逛了逛金门大桥和堵车堵得不行的9曲花街，在天黑以前直奔学校。其实我不明白9曲花街为啥在这个天气稍微好一点的周末会有这么多的车排队，只为从蜿蜒的斜坡磨蹭而下，看那些冬季里光秃秃的花梗子。唯一合理一点的解释是：在车里排队等着上那个斜坡而知道登顶之后要下坡的感觉，有点像坐过山车的一开始，而过山车的队显然还是值得一排的……

 

学校的外景自不必提。来过的自然看过，没来过的说了也白说。

 

一进我的房间，妈妈眼挺尖，comment道“怎么有一个这样的东西？？！”

 

（中间略去若干字……）晚饭尾声，妈妈蹦出一句“怎么做得这么好得？！！”

 

（中间又略去若干字……）酒店门口，我们说，那就回国再见吧。

 

时间虽短，感觉相当不错，呵呵！

 

在法国大侠的帮助下，我们不远万里，在遥远的欧洲鸟国完成了两轮被认为是不应该被完成的实验。昨天得知，这个迟钝的不善解人意的委员会，终于在拒了我们N次之后浪子回头了，还不能说不大方地给了10天的时间。而在此之前，对祖国人民委派的committee深深失望的法国大侠也已经承诺再送我们10天时间赶在March Meeting之前把工作的剩余部分补充完整。这下，我们终于有时间还给他了，希望不要有人在贪心之下对此有什么异议。

 

在被忽视的角落顶着压力去安心做成一件事情的感觉还是很美好的。只不过其中有一个重大的component - "I am not alone". 而能否达到，莫非只能靠拼RP？？